I announced my engagement 4 days ago & the 1st thing my very good friend said was "Congrats! Amber( his wife) wants to be 1 of your bridesmaids". I've known my friend's wife for a very long time & she considers herself a very good friend of mine but I don't consider her to be a close friend & I would actually rather stick my male friend in a dress & have him stand beside me than have his wife join my bridal party. I also thought that she was rude by asking to be a bridesmaid & I was angry she would ask him to ask me & I was also sort of peeved that he entertained the idea. Anyway, I did not immediately respond & a day later he reiterated her request & I told him that we had not really thought much about it. I thought that would be the end of it & then she took it upon herself to send me a text message saying "I need to know when to be fitted for my dress". I have not given this woman my phone number & I assume she got it from my friend, which did not sit well with me. I sent my friend a text & told him that I don't consider her a close enough friend to add into my already crowded bridal party considering that my sister added herself & my fh's sister added herself & because the one sister added her self I had to add my other sister to be fair considering that I am closer to the latter then the rude one. So anyway, my friend tells me he understands but he thought that since he put me in his wedding to his 1st wife that I would just pay it forward and do this for him. I never asked to be in his wedding & I couldn't stand his 1st wife at all they added me because a girl went to live in Italy a month before the wedding & they needed to fill the spot. I love my friend dearly & I don't want to lose our friendship over his rude wife's request. What should I do?
Answer on People are assuming they are going to be in bridal party?
When YOU, the Bride and Groom, are selecting friends and family members to be in your wedding party you needs to ask yourself the following questions about each person that you are considering . .
Is this person a mature adult who can handle just about anything?
Is this person dependable?
Is this person responsible?
Is this person going to be there when I need them?
Is this person selfish or self-centered?
Can this person afford (time and money) to be in a wedding?
Is this person overbearing or controlling?
Is this person going to complain about anything? Or everything?
Does this person have other priorities (an infant, small children, a demanding job, college studies or another wedding commitment) that may create a problem?
And, most importantly, am I going to REGRET asking this person to be in my wedding?
People do not change just because they are in YOUR wedding. Their lifestyle does not change, their habits do not change, and their attitude does not change. So, if you know someone who has been late to every social function they have been invited to for the last twenty years you probably don't want them in your wedding party.
Yahoo Answers is filled with Brides asking if it is OK to "fire" their Maid of Honor or a bridesmaid which means they did not take the selection process seriously. You should never feel obligated to ask someone to be in your wedding just because you were in their wedding.
Answered by: A Certified wedding specialist / A Professional bridal consultant / A Wedding ceremony officiant
